#7

 

“I am genuinely paranoid that everyone secretly hates me and thinks I am really annoying and ugly and is pretending to be my friend and it’s all part of some big joke.”

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#6

Okay.  I’ve given myself until my 27th birthday. I’ll find a reason to live, whether it’s genuine love, or just some sort of ambition, drive, determination to achieve a goal, or even to just have a goal in mind.  I find this reason to live or I will check myself out.

I know that they say suicide is selfish.  Sure, but I don’t really have anyone else to think about.  There’s Arthur, the closest thing to family that I have, who I’ve talked to and has told me that if it comes down to it, he will understand.  Other than him, there’s no one.  There’s nothing else.

#5

After my years of hiding any and all emotion, closing myself off to all things, there’s a woman that I have feelings for. She’s beautiful, kind, and yet quite feisty. A perfect combo. She also revealed, in a fit of anger with me, that she recently had a visit to the emergency room after a failed attempt at suicide. Surprising that the woman I may love is at such a low when she presents herself at an opposite to me.  Social. Chipper.  Though they do say that some of the most depressed hide it so well. Also an opposite as I don’t hide anything.  I’ll let you know that I’m down. “Hey, buddy.  Guess what I’m thinking about.  Killing myself.” Laugh out loud.

Anyway.  I hope she doesn’t kill herself.  I know that she couldn’t care less about me, (I don’t either) but I think that she is amazing, and I hope that she finds whatever she needs to keep her going.